Friday Video: The Horrors of the Modern High-Tech Car

If you’re still looking for a last-minute Halloween costume, may we suggest going as an under-appreciated horror of our time: the technology-laden modern automobile?

If you don’t know what’s so scary about modern automotive technology, check out this mini-documentary from the fine folks at Fern, who pinpoint the exact moment when cars started transforming into smartphones-on-wheels —  bringing with then all the deadly distractions that that implies.

And along the way, they also explore a mess of other on-board gadgetry that might inspire some nightmares in those who haven’t been behind the wheel in a while. Think: thumbprint-sensitive door handles that don’t open in the cold or when vehicles literally catch fire; dashboard data collection that shares (and sometimes sells) info on drivers’ immigration status, sex lives, facial expressions, and even photos of what’s inside their garage; and basic controls so confusing cars might roll away crush someone if drivers don’t watch a four-minute video on how to operate their “crystal sphere” shifter.

Even without mention of the less high-tech ways modern vehicle design is so frightening — namely, how huge today’s cars tend to be, and how deadly they are when they strike people outside them — It’s enough to make Stephen King’s Christine look quaint.

Having trouble watching this video? Check it out on YouTube.